‘I don’t want to right now’ (new poem)

I’m not in a writing mood. After six hours of fixing other people’s writing (all guts, no glory for copy editors), I’m kind of exhausted. But nonetheless, a poem must be produced.

Right now I’m procrastinating on many things, including a potentially life-altering action. A few, actually. My energy, emotions, and time are torn in multiple directions.

 

I keep coming back to one particular inaction, though. I’m going to get it done tomorrow, depending on if I’m in the right place at the right time. That’s the trouble with things that involve other people. Anyways, this action will have either a really positive consequence or a really negative. That’s what this poem is about. If I seem really angry tomorrow, don’t sweat it; I’m just rising from the ashes like a phoenix. Enjoy the poem!

“I don’t want to right now
By Maggie McGinity

I don’t want to write now.
I just want to scream
Waiting for one word
Against this hope, against this dream.

One word, it could take me
To imagined heights
Or it could drop me at the bottom
Strike a match and light

Me up on fire
Inside out and in again.
Should I curse the desire
Which might land me in this pen?

I don’t know tomorrow
Who knows what it will bring
Happiness or sorrow
Hell or everything

This hope is mine to borrow
I doubt it’s mine to keep
My heart growing so hollow
My resolve growing so weak

But I cannot forgive
One more never on my plate.
So please take the risk I give,
Either let live or celebrate.”

Quote:
“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”
-Chuck Palahniuk

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