‘In the Hope’ (new poem)

Hi. I wrote this poem on August 25 of this year. Some of this poem is still true, but most of it is not. I recently found it going through my rarely used diary. I’d forgotten I wrote this until yesterday.

I’m not avoiding the subject of my poem anymore. Quite the contrary. I also feel I should clarify that the subject of this poem is not suicidal. That was just my interpretation of my circumstances at the time.

Now, after the mention of the word “suicidal,” you should be worried about reading this poem. I’ll forgive you if you don’t read it; it is quite intense. But nonetheless it’s going up. Enjoy or ponder, or both.

In the Hope
By Maggie McGinity

Please stop.
I don’t know if you mean to do
These things which you
Have done
But I have seen your face once
(Twice, three times)
And now I see it everywhere.
I hate it for
I cannot hate your face.
Now now.
It’s too late.

I look for you often
In the hope
Of never seeing you again.

Your proximity annoys me.
I cannot bear to think:
You live and breathe
Mere hundreds of feet
Away from me
But never close
Never free

I walk alone now
Fro and to
And away from you.
Late and early
I’m not protected
But I don’t need to be.
You are my greatest threat,
I’ve finally figured that out.

You are not a purpose.
You are not a pet.
You are not a boyfriend
And thank God, for God knows:
I could not stand
By a man
Who willfully seeks his own salvation
No matter which path he has taken
To gain that reformation.

I want you to disappear
From my,
But not from your, life.
I don’t think I could get over it
If you turned out to be right
All along.
I don’t mind that you don’t love me,
Or that we may never speak again
(Actually, I might prefer that),
But I hope you prove yourself
Wrong.

For while the loss of you
Worked out quite well for me
I do not think the world
Could ever be so lucky.”

Lyrical quote:

“‘Cause the soul’s rock hard but the heart’s trapped underneath
And the weight of it all gets enough just to crush the best out of you and
me
But I swear that there’s someone who cares here enough to set us free
And if the world don’t turn just enough to bring her honest
Then I guess we’re better off forgotten”
-“House of Hallways” by Go Radio

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