‘Under a Friend’s Flag’ (new poem)

I’m too late, but by my book it’s still Saturday.

Under a Friend’s Flag
By Maggie McGinity

I cannot define one
Or claim that I have none.
Don’t know if I’m good or bad at it.
My camaraderie
Is not a commodity
Nor an easy habit.
Quiet girl with ticking mind
The first friendships she would find
Were forced and not their choosing.
So I hope you understand,
All banter is banned;
I cannot risk their losing.

The boys who claimed friendship
Then let their hearts slip
Into something more
These boys who ‘loved’ me
Knew little of me
But have now closed every door
Doggedly led on and let down
My arms around
False hearts and false hopes
Now I see each smile
As just one more mile
Down an ever-so-slippery slope

The world paws and pulls me
The world laughs and lulls me
In every wrong direction
This world, it would take me
This world, it would break me
And I’ve now no protection.
In arms I find refuge
These arms I can’t refuse
Never mind how long the holding
For under a friend’s flag
No chaste finger can wag
Nor offer an honest scolding

Oh heart, settle down
I can’t fool around
His love is not for me.
Dear heart, you’ll survive
We have our whole lives
Left for ‘eternity’
Heart, wait your turn
Oh when will you learn
You’re never meant to be.
Sole heart, soul, and wonder,
We’re still going under.
Treading water’s lost sufficiency.

When one has two
What can I do?
When the world can’t see
What’s left of me?
When two have one
I am undone.
When I’m finally free
Who’ll be for me?”

Quotes:

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
-Elbert Hubbard

“How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don’t know
My weakness I feel I must finally show
Lend me your hand and we’ll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I’ll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes, I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep totally free”
-“Awake My Soul” by Mumford and Sons

‘Ode to the Missing Spring’ (possibly finished poem)

So Spring officially began a few days ago, on March 20, 2013. That means that we get to enjoy a burst of warm weather and new plant life, of greenery and we-can-go-outside-again wonder! Right?

image

Wrong. It’s snowing. Again. It’s snowing in my hometown, and there’s a 100% chance that it will snow in Ames within the next hour.

photo (6)

I’m missing Spring, so I wrote a poem about it. I’m not sure if this poem is finished yet, but I want to share it with you anyways. Enjoy!

Ode to the Missing Spring
By Maggie McGinity

I. ‘It is here!’ the calendar states.
‘Pull out your brooms,
Your pans and vacuums.
Time to brush off a clean slate.’

But the snow descends upon us now
Blanketing, pristine
And I shout to the heavens
(Wondering how),
‘We did not intend this kind of clean.’

Today we wandered out
In t-shirts, jackets, shorts.
The hottest day so far
We may report.

But the warmth of today will fade
To the wind chill of tonight
And all the plans we might have made
Vanish without a fight.

Thrice it’s snowed this month
Within which we hoped to say,
‘This is enough,’
To see the end of our tundra land,
And return to the season which we understand.

II. I sleep on the couch like I slept on the couch,
I stay up late like I stayed up late,
I eat too much like I ate too much,
But it is not the same.

My fingers flutter not to text,
My mind spins no witty replies.
My heart longs not for what is next;
No ‘Good night’ lights my eyes.

Too much time to blink, to sink in(to) thought,
To remember last Spring Break.
A trip down memory lane is not
The vacation I wanted to take.

I don’t want to be sad
While the other students party,
And reasons to be glad
Are neither lost nor tardy

But still my heart is spent,
Wasted on certain time and space:
I’m stuck in that moment,
While you’ve had me replaced.’

One:

“You can cut all the flowers, but you cannot keep Spring from coming.”
-Pablo Neruda

Two:

“Memories warm you up on the inside. But they also tear you apart.”
-“Kafka on the Shore,” by Haruki Murakami

Three quotes:

“The deep roots never doubt spring will come.”
-Marty Rubin

P.S. I apologize for the delay of this post. My computer has taken to overheating and crashing, and posting on my iPod is slow and almost impossible. This is a combination of my efforts on both machines. I’ll let you know if/when I find a solution to this technical problem. Thanks for bearing it with me 🙂

’11:42 p.m.’ (New Poem)

I’m going to Dallas tomorrow. Technically later today. I won’t be back ’til Sunday and I won’t have time to post while I’m there, so I’ve been worrying about what I’d post before I left.

I was like, “I want to write a poem, but I don’t have anything to write about.”

Then life was like, “Oh, I’ll give you something to write about.”

So here we are:

11:42 p.m.
By Maggie McGinity

Like some kind of rabies,
These thoughts and these  ‘maybe’s
Are driving me insane.
One thing ’bout crazies,
Know calling one ‘baby’
Wears upon the brain;
And growin’ up slowly
Ain’t gonna hold me
To keeping this private pain.
Though I’m not the only
With knowledge so lonely,
Somehow, I’m trapped again.

These debts and these dailies,
The failings so flail-y
Are driving me inane.
One thing ’bout crazies,
Know calling one ‘baby’
Wears upon the sane;
And growin’ up slowly
Ain’t gonna hold me
To leaving this private pain.
Although I’m the only
Who sees this shame wholly,
In it, I’m trapped again.”

Quotes sandwich:

“I’d run through the desert, I’d walk through the rain
Get you into trouble, and take all the blame
I’d paint you a picture, write you a song
And I’d do it all over if I did it all wrong”-“If You Told Me To” by Hunter Hayes

“You say…
Love is a temple,
Love the higher law.
You ask me to enter,
But then you make me crawl,
And I can’t be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt”
-“One” by U2

“Maybe this is something I’ll never be,
But I’ll be right here ’til you tell me.”
-“If You Told Me To” by Hunter Hayes

‘Handsome Devil’ (new poem)

It’s still Saturday where I am. Soon I’ll be able to not start my posts by dismissing how late they are.

Anyways, so many wonderful things have been happening in my life, and they’ve all been happening at once, so I haven’t had time to blog. I have written a few poems, though, and I’m sharing one now. Enjoy!

Handsome Devil
By Maggie McGinity

Speak of the devil,
And he will appear.
Think of the devil,
And he will appear.
Run from the devil,
But he’s always near.
Smile at the devil,
But eyes show the fear.

Laugh at the devil,
But he knows it’s false.
Walk past the devil,
Careful as a waltz.
Talk to the devil;
Tell no truth at all,
‘Cause Lord knows, this devil,
He could make me fall.

But he’s not my devil,
No, he’s not my sin.
It is not my life
Which he’s now squatting in.
Oh Lord help, this devil,
I can’t let him win.
I’ll hold onto hate and
Never love(him) again.”

Quote:

“Education without values, as useful as it is, seems to make man a more clever devil.”
-C.S. Lewis

‘Forget my Heart'(new poem)

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It’s Sunday where I live and I’m still allowed to complain for the next couple of hours. So….

Let me tell you a bit about my love life:

It’s currently nonexistent, although if you’ve read some of my previous poems, you’ll know it was once very much existent, and now is usually mostly not.

Except for me, all of the girls in my friend group are in long-term committed relationships, so I tend to focus a lot on their relationships. I hang out with a lot of couples simply because I’m friends with a lot of couples. Take, for example, Nick and Sarah. When I spend time alone with them, it usually goes something like this:

In fact, it’s generally not much better when I hang out with a lot of couples:

Haha for sure!

Sometimes I get sick of feeling odd and hang out with my single male friends, which I also have a lot of. I also focus on their relationships, but in different ways. They think I’m some kind of relationship guru and come to me asking for advice on pursuing certain girls simply because I have a second X chromosome where they have a Y. I think that some of them are cute or handsome or charming and subsequently develop pointless crushes on them. Pointless because they’ve friend-zoned me.

This is frustrating, obviously, but I never try to get out of it because I’m incredibly shy, insecure, and afraid of ruining friendships. Also, this:

Duh!

So, being the passive-aggressive woman that I am, I wrote a poem about it instead. I started working on this two weeks ago and finished it a few minutes ago. Here’s hoping one of my friends reads it. Enjoy!

Forget my Heart
By Maggie McGinity

I’m tired of being passed up for the past,
Deemed unfit for the future,
Being pressed upon that my presence
In the present
Isn’t useful.

Do not seek me in heart’s folly,
Do not page me in love’s games.
I am not a genie jolly
With solutions for your pain.

Do not tell me of the girls
Whom you want to make your world.
Don’t show me your hopes and dreams
For mine are not as they seem.

I’m tired of being the ears which hear,
‘Those eyes so blue, those eyes so clear.’
I don’t want to hear them mooning ‘she’s the one’
When all my mooning days are done.

I’m tired of being a point of deflection
A shoulder to sob on ’cause you can’t get their affection
A habitat for hope’s resurrection
To point you in the right direction

When the ‘right’ direction is away from me.
It’s childish hurt and jealousy
But it won’t win me, wait and see.
I’ll grin and bear it, hopelessly.

Your happiness is what I want
Though it is not myself whom you hunt.
I’ll smile at you, though I know better,
Forget my heart, and say, ‘Go get her.'”

Alternate titles include “I’m pretty, too. Why don’t you like me?”, “The Friend Zone: Not Just for Guys Anymore,”  “‘And then, do you know, Monsieur Marius, I believe I was a little in love with you,'” and “The Poem with Five Names.”

Quotes:

“Without me, his world will go on turning.
A world that’s full of happiness that I have never known.”
-“On My Own,” from the musical “Les Miserables”

‘Soldier On'(new poem)

Here’s my weekly post, right under the WordPress-is-not-in-my-time-zone wire. I wrote it a couple of days ago. The title is ironic, but not in a way which most of you can yet understand, unless you know more of my life than I’ve let on in this blog. Anyways, enjoy!

Soldier On
By Maggie McGinity

I fall in love with a void,
I hold an empty space.
Only the air taunts and toys.
Say “Good night” to an imaginary face.

In sleep, my hand reaches out
To join with fingers none.
In dreams, I do not go without,
But am broken by the sun.

Before waking, memory imparts
A weight upon my chest,
A heart beating close to my heart,
Perfect, peaceful, poised in rest.

I wake unto the starkness
Of a lonesome, loathsome dawn.
None remains here but my darkness.
I am left to soldier on.”

Quote:
“But when the weather changed,
Like fine print, you were hard to read.
Blind-folded, eyes wide open,
Staring through me.”
-“Rumored Nights” by The Academy Is…