‘Chrysalis(Darling Straw)’ (new poem)

I saw this on the bathroom wall today:

youarenotthemistakes

I felt it warranted sharing. I felt it needed reading. The world has a funny way of knowing when I need a little reassurance and when my sanity needs feeding. But somewhere in between feeling alright, seeing those words, and feeling alright, writing these words, I got a little lost. I knew I’d find my way back to OK and I did, but on my way I wrote a poem. Enjoy!

Chrysalis(Darling Straw)
By Maggie McGinity

It’s a voice or a face or a letter
And knowing I’ll never feel better
About this place
About this time
About the things that once were mine

In so many ways,
On so many days,
I’m still that girl
Reeling.
Wanting to be anything but feeling.
Staring at the walls,
The ceiling.
Sitting there, breathing
‘Cause breathing is harder than leaving.
Hearing is harder than air.
Forcing myself not to care.

I am still sitting, on that bed,
A million questions running through my head.
I am still standing, on that floor,
Knowing I can’t take any more.
I am still staring at that screen,
Wondering how I could love someone so mean.
I am still curled up on that couch,
Finally losing what I’d made do without.

I am still here
But I’m not me.
I’m a bundle of nerves and curves and fractured
History.

I am young,
But come undone
At the mere mention of love’s
Mystery.

I am calm.
Too much, it seems.
They say I should be freaking out.
I’m not. Don’t know what that means.

I am lost
Somewhere that’s green
And the world I want to live in
Doesn’t miss me.

Darling straw,
You broke the camel’s back.
I am only starting to react.
Darling foe,
This wasn’t an attack.
But just watch my eyes fade to black.

I didn’t mean for this to go on so long.
I didn’t mean for me to go so wrong.
I don’t understand the things I say and do
Like I’ve woken up in someone new.

I live in this body
Sometimes glum, sometimes glam,
But now I can’t see
Who I am.”

Quoteness:

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
-John Lennon

“It’s not who you are that holds you back. It’s who you think you’re not.”
-Denis Waitley

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
-E.E. Cummings

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