‘This Stage’ (new poem without regard for any projects or plans)

People are the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. I used to think I liked books better than people, but now I know that I like books better than most people. I look back on this weekend and am glad I’m not like 99% of the people I was around. Still, I wish I had been reading, or eating, or sleeping, or just around more than one person I’d known for more than five minutes.

Maow. Live and learn would apply if the same old lessons would stop circling through my life.

This Stage
By Maggie McGinity

Simple
Straightforward
Secrets

No regrets have I
For dramas passed by.
There are stages for such undertakings.

Bright lights, cheesy lines
Do theatre just fine,
But best left out of bonds made for breaking.

Though passion’s the fashion,
A lack I not fear.
My blood quickly boils,
My eyes quickly tear.
Dramatics internal
Sustain any need.
Nightmares diurnal
Constancy’s creed.

I long to be boring.
I live to be bored.
Ignorance ignoring
Chances chored.

There are more effective ways to garner attention
Than pressed preparation, pre-packaged pretension.
Any apparent apprehension
Come and gone in this complete comprehension.

It’s dark and the faces can’t be seen.
I’m losing steam in this fever scene.
I’d rather miss out on where I’m not missed
There are worse ways to exist

So I’ll mind my mind without assistance
Retain this rarity of resistance.
Impressive intensity of insistence,
Drag me not into this instance.
Fluke or not, I’m all I’ve got, and I remain to distance.”

Quotey quote quotes:

“Drinking is such a necessity to human life that people cannot fathom an individual who, like a child confined to a church pew, gets little enjoyment out of it and would rather do other things.” – Criss Jami

“If you see me out, you don’t know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I’m going to do”
-“Back 2 Good,” by Matchbox 20

“I care about strangers when they’re abstractions, but I feel almost nothing when they’re literally in front of me.” – Chuck Klosterman, “I Wear the Black Hat: Grappling With Villains”

‘Namesakes’ Follow-up No. 1: Grandpa Joe, the artillery captain

It’s Veteran’s Day again. You may remember my ‘Namesakes Part 1‘ poem about my grandfathers, my favorite veterans of my favorite war(WWII). I actually haven’t had much time to research them or their wives(my grandmothers), but recently I have had WWII thrust upon me, as I am currently in a play about the Manhattan Project written and directed by my friend/roommate Anna.

We’ve been discussing a lot about WWII and what times were like that pushed America’s most brilliant minds to create mankind’s most destructive weapon. Again, I have been saddened by the lost opportunities to hear war stories from my grandfathers, as other cast members know/knew their grandfather-veterans and learned stories.

However, my dad, while not currently being in possession of any journals or pictures of my grandfather Joseph McGinity from the wartime, does have a few memories of the few times Grandpa Joe spoke on these things. I just got off the phone with my dad and this is what I know:

Grandpa Joe: 

*was a heavy artillery captain – big guns – lost part of his hearing

*was promoted from sargeant to captain, and the stress of being in command of so many men gave him so much stress that he was hospitalized with ulcers and almost died(I feel so lucky to exist)

*speaking of almost dying, Grandpa Joe was almost shot by his own men when he, after refusing to send a subordinate on a nighttime reconnaissance mission and instead going himself, forgot the password to get back(I feel so so lucky to exist)

*and more almost dying, Grandpa Joe was in the Battle of the Bulge. He woke up to heavy gunfire and realized they were in battle when he heard voices speaking in German on the other side of the Rhine.(so so so lucky to exist)

Grandpa Joe went on to become a doctor of veterinary medicine and professor at the University of Missouri. I’m pretty sure there’s a scholarship named after him, but I’m not 100% sure, because the University of Missouri doesn’t have a comprehensive scholarship database. Anywho, know that I loved him, and that one of my greatest regrets in life is not getting to know him better when I had the chance.

Quotes:

“It doesn’t take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle.”
-Norman Schwarzkopf

“There is something extraordinary to be said about genetics—descending from great ancestors,” General Leslie R. Groves Jr. in “The New Age,” by Anna Bellegante

‘On Deaf Ears’ (new poem)

Mondays are usually hard. However, my most recent Monday, also known as yesterday, was unusually awesome. Therefore, today has been absolutely awful, though some wonderful people are going to try to improve upon it soon. Before their chance to do that, though, I wrote this. Enjoy!

On Deaf Ears 
By Maggie McGinity

I’m not myself today
And that’s a shame
Because I think you like myself okay.
I do, too,
But I’m not her, and I’m not you.
I’m so confused.

What can I say?
What is the take-away?
Will there come a day
I’m no longer afraid
Of this bursting, breaking dam
Of who I’m not and who I am
And my cap(ped)abilities?
Fall off of this trapeze?
Or fly with ease?

This will not compute.
I am made to be unmute(d).
But no time to shout or scream,
No room to dare or dream
Any role or goal outside this room.

I wish this would’ve happened sooner.
Now the pressure in my throat and lips,
Mismanaged, meddling fingertips,
Leaves me lunar.

Break two mirrors and
Timing
Will focus all your fears.
Rhyming
Goes back for years and years,
Miming
Life falling on deaf ears.”

Quotes:

“Listening is the most dangerous thing of all, listening means knowing, finding out about something and knowing what’s going on, our ears don’t have lids that can instinctively close against the words uttered, they can’t hide from what they sense they’re about to hear, it’s always too late.”
-“A Heart So White,” by Javier Marias

“I’ve learned to get really good at this – say one thing when I’m thinking about something else, act like I’m listening when I’m not, pretend to be calm and happy when I’m really freaking out. It’s one of the skills you perfect as you get older”
-“Delirium,” by Lauren Oliver

‘Still/Beating’ (new poem) + CGYOOMH ‘Fluorescent Adolescent’ and ‘The Best I Ever Had’

So for this installment of the poorly acronymed “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” poem series, I focused on these two songs, which share the line “The best I ever had/The best you ever had.”

Fluorescent Adolescent/The Best I Ever Had

Unlike these songs, however, I tend not to focus on the best I ever had, because even that isn’t all that fabulous. Instead, I tend to worry and daydream about missed opportunities and moments and crushes that I, with my inability to read a room, find out about years after they’ve dissipated. These are the worst, the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve’s. At least with what has been, you can hold the ashes in your hand and know. But what could’ve been? Well, you can read about it. Enjoy!

Still/Beating

Looking for reasons to walk away
What were you afraid of?
Now in that moment you want to stay
Knowing what it was made of.

Secrets lost and secrets keep
Themselves in their own order.
Burrow down, don’t make a peep,
Bonding on their border.

These atoms and
These nuclei
They won’t leave me alone.
We are all made
Of the same days,
The building blocks of bones.

And in my mind
I find
A should’ve: Should’ve
Been alone.

Little looks and lifelong locks
Strangers for the catching.
Took off long before the talks
Now back, missing the matching.

These brushes and
This backsliding
I’m loathe to call my own.
We are all made
Of the same days,
Throw us towards the throne.

And in my mind
I find
A would’ve: Would’ve
If I’d known.

Fears and years don’t stay together,
As new togethers meet and merge.
Old longings are told with tones of weather
Casual as personnel purge.

But your blue sky is my blizzard,
Your record high my frost,
A cold-hearted, emotional lizard,
No heat within my skin embossed.

In my mind
I find
The best could’ve: Could’ve
Just stayed blind.

To never know this truth
And feel it root
In my still/beating
Heart.”

So many quotes!!!:

“The best you ever had
Is just a memory and those dreams
But as daft as they seem
Not as daft as they seemed
My love when you dream them all”
-“Fluorescent Adolescent” by the Arctic Monkeys

“Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better”

“And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can’t take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You’re always right ”

“Now I’m here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted?
Could it be I’m haunted?”
-“The Best I Ever Had(Grey Sky Morning)” by Vertical Horizon