April Showers and NaPoWriMo 2015

Hi friends!

This is an FYI for the Maggie’s Pick series and the Maggie Lives blog in general.

Starting today and going through the month of April, I’ll be doing an April Showers (i.e. rain) theme for my Picks.

I’m also participating in National Poetry Writing Month 2015, aka NaPoWriMo, which means I really need to add writing a poem to my to do list for today.

You should expect at least two posts every day, and sometimes they’ll be Twinning posts :). Hope you enjoy all the new content!

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The House Showings and the Forced Clean Room

This is the Twinning post for my most recent Pick.

Some of you may remember when I began taking steps to stop and reverse my becoming a hoarder. This is also when I changed the title of my blog to its current title, Maggie Lives.

I wanted to give you a status update on how I’m doing organization-wise, living space and stuff-wise. Last week my property managers let us know that the house we’re renting would be shown to some prospective next-year tenants. They gave us a bit more than 24 hours notice, but I had work/class all day and then went home to confront my messy room. It took about 4 hours, done around a viewing of a terrible movie.

It’s amazing what the idea of strangers viewing your living space can do for getting it clean. This is what my room looks like now:

Bed made and clear of clothing/stuff.

Bed made and clear of clothing/stuff.

3-drawer storage containers closed and easily accessible.

3-drawer storage containers closed and easily accessible.

Look at that large portion of clear space on top of that dresser.

Look at that large portion of clear space on top of that dresser.

This is mostly yarn and knitting supplies. I know it doesn't look all that organized, but I know what is in there and where everything I need is located.

This is mostly yarn and knitting supplies. I know it doesn’t look all that organized, but I know what is in there and where everything I need is located.

Closet with laundry basket tucked neatly inside.

Closet with laundry basket tucked neatly inside.

Look at all that clear desk space. So much room for books and notes.

Look at all that clear desk space. So much room for books and notes.

My shoe collection is one of the most easily organized groups I own.

My shoe collection is one of the most easily organized groups I own.

Of course, the drawers, shelves and binders are largely unorganized inside, and there are a few boxes hiding some clothing I didn’t have time to sort. But it looks great, and it’s a good foundation for me to take on some smaller organizational projects, then return it to this functional layout and state of general cleanliness.

I just wanted to let you all know that I’m improving 🙂

Quotes:

“Clutter is not just the stuff on the floor – it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” – Peter Walsh

“Clutter is nothing more than postponed decisions.” – Barbara Hemphill

Career Fair thoughts

Today’s gonna be kind of a weird day for posts. There will be three: one Pick, one new Original Song, and one stream-of-consciousness thing. Today is the perfect day for three posts, as it is only the third day of this week, and we should try to remember which day it is (Wednesday :P).

So without further ado, here are the things I thought when I went to not one, but two career fairs:

*I feel like a model.
*Am I in a secret race with everyone else who just got off the bus?
*At least I’m not wearing jeans.
*Why am I going to this? I want a doctorate, not a job.
*The line to talk to the one company I want to see here is loooong.
*Run into classmate, compare and contrast PPL 2 PPL fair with Engineering fair.
*Casual opportunity to mention my boyfriend in engineering.
*Take all the info sheets.
*Even though my degrees and experience would fit really well with your tiny company, I want to go to grad school instead of finding a job anywhere.
*Of course you can tell me about how awesome your company is and all the software you use there.
*Yes, I would like the secret bumper sticker that is not out on the table but is apparently available to me.
*Ellen will be pleased.
*On to Fair Dos.
*Be nice to the other career-fair-goers.
*Got the door held open for me
*Still feel like a model
*Swaggy swag, swaggy swag, yeah girl.
*Casual disinterest in all but 4 booths.
*Heels and steep stairs do not a good mix make, but at least I’m not too proud to grip the railing.
*Where am I going?
*There are so many men in suits here
*And I’m going to make eye contact with every one of them
*Keep smiling, find the booth numbers
*Shake hands, ask about specific position I already know exists at your company
*More info sheets!
*Am I special, or do you take everyone’s resume?
*Company 2 – signs falling everywhere
*Grad school, not job
*Of course you can have my resume
*Of course I’ll sign up for your online job seeking database
*Free Pepsi!
*City of Ames swag
*Casually spend two minutes picking out all my favorite kinds of free candy to put in my new free cup
*Ask for free sunglasses – receive
*Wear sunglasses on head while strutting around career fair
*The best way to make this other city alliance want me to work there is by displaying swag from another city
*Casually mention recent trip, major highway, restaurant which in no way represents the people there
*Definitely feel like I’m having an area sold to me now
*Oh you have non-profit arts jobs?
*Done and so successful
*That girl should be wearing pantyhose
*Sorry I took the hand railing section you needed. Yes take the next one, your heels are terrifyingly high
*This was so much more fun than last time
*Put on free sunglasses
*Continue casually strutting to bus stop
*They don’t call me McSwags for nothing.

New poem: ‘Duality’

Good morning!

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In the last 24 hours, I’ve gotten 10 hours of sleep, and had delicious espresso with blackberry and white chocolate syrup. Finals week is kind of awesome, because I just have a few really hard things to do, but I’m allowed to do nothing else except a few (15-20) hours of work this week. So yesterday was actually a day I’d dreaded all year, that turned out to be awesome sauce.

Speaking of awesome sauce, I’ve had some really weird dreams recently. I’ve had a dream within a dream, and early this morning I experienced some kind of synesthesia, maybe. I associated different colors with different noises my various phone alarms make.

Anyways, everything is novel and different and exciting yet relaxing right now, and it makes a fantastic creative environment. Enjoy!

Duality
By Maggie McGinity

I’m in love with you
I’m in love with two

Or three, or four,
Or maybe more?

Not really in love,
But in love with the idea of

I’m so far from the steeple
But my life is so full of such wonderful people
How could I help but to love?”

Quotes:

I’m gonna take you out tonight
I’m gonna make you feel alright
I don’t have a lot of money but we’ll be fine
No I don’t have a penny but I’ll show you a real good time

Cos I know how it feels to be alone
When strangers only make you feel the cold
You never ever felt so far from home
You never felt so far from home”
-“New in Town” by Little Boots

“An unarticulated crush is very different from an unrequited one, because at least with an unrequited crush you know what the hell you’re doing, even if the other person isn’t doing it back. An unarticulated crush is harder to grapple with, because it’s a crush that you haven’t even admitted to yourself. The romantic forces are all there — you want to see him, you always notice him, you treat every word from him as if it weighs more than anyone else’s. But you don’t know why. You don’t know that you’re doing it. You’d follow him to the end of the earth without ever admitting that your feet were moving.”
-“Geektastic: Stories from the Nerd Herd” by David Levithan

Confession, Reflection, and New Poem: ‘Blue Blood’

What I love about going to church is that I always feel better afterwards.

I love my friends. So much. I wouldn’t trade all of these little families I’ve made for just one hand, just one heart.

That being said, it’s still sometimes hard to be friends with my friends. Some people feel judged because of their looks, their race, their sexual orientation, their money or lack thereof. I sometimes feel judged by my friends for still being single.

If you think I’m just a spoiled little girl who’s just complaining because she’s lonely and because some people have something she doesn’t, you don’t know me at all.

My friends try very hard to solve this “problem” for me, so much so that I sometimes wonder why they and I can’t find happiness in my multitude of other successes. I am very blessed. I am very happy.

Though others may try to define me with this, I don’t define my life based on one thing. I am trying to refine my life my removing negative emotions which weigh me down. This is why I write.

This morning, I was in a terrible mood, and I wrote this poem.

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Emo caption: “A child I once babysat told me that freckles are angel’s kisses. I guess even kisses can be blue with the right lighting.”

I took this on the high trestle trail bridge near Ames. If you’ve never been, I highly recommend it. On the car ride there and the car ride back, I told my new honorary big brother many secrets, ideas, and fears. I’ve been talking to a lot of people about these things recently, and thus I wrote this poem:

Blue Blood
By Maggie McGinity

Irrational child never learned

All the things that would make her stomach churn, how
Mild and meaningful moments can burn

Somewhere, so far, someone is laughing
Only wonder is how she’s hearing

Failure? I’ve failed you.
Understand, please,
Can’t you see
Keeping up with you
Isn’t easy for me?
Not that I’m not trying to.
Gotta let me off easy.

Addendum to the college years
Never let me live in fear
God knows all I do for you
Rivals and romance and friends, to boot
You only see a girl without a suit

I can’t make you make me happy

All the nudges and whispers and joking suggestions
Mock every well-earned urge of apprehension

Somewhere, so near, is a door and a lock
Opening it takes all that I’ve got

Very, very long time ago
Everything that I’ll ever know
Reinforced how different I am from you
You choose me, sometimes, but you never knew

Speaking to others got me here
Over and over, I re-live the fear
Remembering how friends pushed me then
Remembering how the word ‘friend’
Young girl of only three, learned

Never to believe
Over and over, it’s proven true.
Waste not your will on me. You know not what you do.”

Quotes:

“But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You’ve been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?”
-“Pompeii” by Bastille

“I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

And every second I waste is more than I can take”
-“Numb” by Linkin Park

You want a revelation,
You wanna get it right
But it’s a conversation,
I just can’t have tonight
You want a revelation, some kind of resolution
Tell me what you want me to say.”
-“No Light, No Light” by Florence + The Machine

NaPoWriMo #21: ‘The Air in Carnegie Hall’ & #22: ‘Constant Company’

Let’s get real for a minute. As I unpack my clothing, food, and souvenirs, so shall I also unpack my feelings and thoughts.

First off, allow me to express my annoyance and apologies that #19 ‘Building Blocks’ was not published when I was told it was, but instead had to be published very recently.

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I’m also presenting kind of an epic post now. One poem is very short and situational; the other spans the last 48 hours. Enjoy!

The Air in Carnegie Hall
By Maggie McGinity

The air in Carnegie Hall
Is cold.
Chilled.

The white and gilded walls
Are cold.

The anxious air of that place
Offers to me few charms.

Would you kiss the face
Of a father made of gold
Who could never hold
You in his arms?”

Quotes:

“If gold rusts, what then can iron do?”
-“The Canterbury Tales” by Geoffrey Chaucer

“Wild honey smells of freedom 
The dust – of sunlight 
The mouth of a young girl, like a violet
But gold – smells of nothing.” – Anna Akhmatova

Carnegie-hall-isaac-stern

Constant Company
By Maggie McGinity

I would like to sit,
And talk,
But we must walk, and walk,
And WALK.
Go go go
To and fro
Whichever is deemed the best direction
By the smart phone.
And I,
Being so obnoxiously shy, I,
Who cannot scream and shout,
And will not be left out,
Do mutter under my breath
How much for I long the death
Of this bullying behavior.
Time the only savior.

So quickly do I see
That those I love and those I hate
Keep such constant company
That I could not separate
Myself from one without risking the loss of the other.
So I wait, then run for cover.

Are the peals and bells
Of my laughter
Prizes to be won?
I cannot tell
In this hereafter
What is to be done.
I still don’t get this dynamic.
Mine is always piano,
So far outside of this ensemble.
I miss my hammock,
But I won’t go back, no,
For there the silence assembles.

Truly, this was a nice change.
Some new faces for the play
That goes on behind my closed eyes
Every sweet and slumbered night.
Yes, it was a different scene,
A nice break from the same routine
Of my heart constantly beating:
‘Not mine. Not mine. Not mine.’

I wish I had a constant company
Of players who would follow me
To the ends of the Earth,
Or the end of the street,
Or where’er our eyes might meet.

But oh, the eyes
Of I,
So ridiculously shy,
Do not dare to try
In the presence of butterflies.

Did he really just say that
And look right at me?
Am I imagining things?
Why couldn’t I say anything back?
Next to me
Intentionally?
For it seems so much of this time spent
Is simply a social accident.

So there’s someone I like, a lot.
More than I thought
I would. I hope he has not already forgot
That I exist.

I don’t know if I want him to read this.”

Quotes:

“I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. 

I do not think that they will sing to me.”
-“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot

It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song
You can’t believe it
You were always singing along
It was so easy and the words so sweet
You can’t remember
You try to feel the beat

You spent half of your life trying to fall behind
You’re using your headphones to drown out your mind
It was so easy, and the words so sweet
You can’t remember
You try to move your feet”
-“Eet” by Regina Spektor

NaPoWriMo #12: ‘Look’

 

 

Today I was going to write about my insecurities. But then I realized that I shouldn’t have any.

Image

 

I love writing on these tops from Kleenex boxes. They force me to say a lot with a few words, and to shape my poem to mimic the shape of the cardboard.

Look
By Maggie McGinity

Look, look
Only time will tell
Very, very well
Everything it took

Milk the minutes
Even hours lie within it

Don’t worry
Over in a hurry”

Quote:

“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you’ve been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.” – Dave Barry