NaPoWriMo #21: ‘The Air in Carnegie Hall’ & #22: ‘Constant Company’

Let’s get real for a minute. As I unpack my clothing, food, and souvenirs, so shall I also unpack my feelings and thoughts.

First off, allow me to express my annoyance and apologies that #19 ‘Building Blocks’ was not published when I was told it was, but instead had to be published very recently.

I’m also presenting kind of an epic post now. One poem is very short and situational; the other spans the last 48 hours. Enjoy!

“The Air in Carnegie Hall
By Maggie McGinity

The air in Carnegie Hall
Is cold.
Chilled.

The white and gilded walls
Are cold.

The anxious air of that place
Offers to me few charms.

Would you kiss the face
Of a father made of gold
Who could never hold
You in his arms?”

Quotes:

“If gold rusts, what then can iron do?”
-“The Canterbury Tales” by Geoffrey Chaucer

“Wild honey smells of freedom 
The dust – of sunlight 
The mouth of a young girl, like a violet
But gold – smells of nothing.” – Anna Akhmatova

“Constant Company
By Maggie McGinity

I would like to sit,
And talk,
But we must walk, and walk,
And WALK.
Go go go
To and fro
Whichever is deemed the best direction
By the smart phone.
And I,
Being so obnoxiously shy, I,
Who cannot scream and shout,
And will not be left out,
Do mutter under my breath
How much for I long the death
Of this bullying behavior.
Time the only savior.

So quickly do I see
That those I love and those I hate
Keep such constant company
That I could not separate
Myself from one without risking the loss of the other.
So I wait, then run for cover.

Are the peals and bells
Of my laughter
Prizes to be won?
I cannot tell
In this hereafter
What is to be done.
I still don’t get this dynamic.
Mine is always piano,
So far outside of this ensemble.
I miss my hammock,
But I won’t go back, no,
For there the silence assembles.

Truly, this was a nice change.
Some new faces for the play
That goes on behind my closed eyes
Every sweet and slumbered night.
Yes, it was a different scene,
A nice break from the same routine
Of my heart constantly beating:
‘Not mine. Not mine. Not mine.’

I wish I had a constant company
Of players who would follow me
To the ends of the Earth,
Or the end of the street,
Or where’er our eyes might meet.

But oh, the eyes
Of I,
So ridiculously shy,
Do not dare to try
In the presence of butterflies.

Did he really just say that
And look right at me?
Am I imagining things?
Why couldn’t I say anything back?
Next to me
Intentionally?
For it seems so much of this time spent
Is simply a social accident.

So there’s someone I like, a lot.
More than I thought
I would. I hope he has not already forgot
That I exist.

I don’t know if I want him to read this.”

Quotes:

“I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. 

I do not think that they will sing to me.”
-“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot

“It’s like forgetting the words to your favorite song
You can’t believe it
You were always singing along
It was so easy and the words so sweet
You can’t remember
You try to feel the beat

You spent half of your life trying to fall behind
You’re using your headphones to drown out your mind
It was so easy, and the words so sweet
You can’t remember
You try to move your feet”
-“Eet” by Regina Spektor

NaPoWriMo #12: ‘Look’

 

 

Today I was going to write about my insecurities. But then I realized that I shouldn’t have any.

 

I love writing on these tops from Kleenex boxes. They force me to say a lot with a few words, and to shape my poem to mimic the shape of the cardboard.

“Look
By Maggie McGinity

Look, look
Only time will tell
Very, very well
Everything it took

Milk the minutes
Even hours lie within it

Don’t worry
Over in a hurry”

Quote:

“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you’ve been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.” – Dave Barry

 

NaPoWriMo #11: ‘The Road to Bed’

I wrote three poems today. This is the one that’s being posted tonight; the others will be shared at a later time. Prepare for a very misleading poem.

“The Road to Bed
By Maggie McGinity

Tucked into the right place
Can we, please, for a while
Go to sleep with a smile
Before it falls off our face?

I know. You haven’t done enough.
The road was rough,
And though the day was warm and bright,
We must relax in the cold, dark night.

Tucked into the right place
Will we, please, for a while
Go to sleep with a smile
Still plastered to our face?

It’s difficult, avoid the cult.
Now, staying in is the revolt,
And though all is quiet here,
My dreams are a riot, dear.

Tucked into the right place
May we, please, for a while
Go to sleep with a smile
And let it stay on our face?”

Quote:

“People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.'” – George Carlin

‘Green Eyes’ (new poem)

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day. A Green poem. Enjoy!

“Green Eyes
By Maggie McGinity

Gather up
Reams and scraps
Everything, within these eyes, these walls
Etched upon
Never spoken

Eternal, ethereal, effortless, energy
Yours, mine, mild, moon
Electricity, crackles in me.
Stop. Stall. Switch. Something. Soon.”

Quote:

“green eyes, you’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind”
-“Green Eyes” by Coldplay

‘Flowers’ & ‘Flowers(In Perspective)’: an exercise in amusement

It’s all about how you look at things, right?

Except that perspective will not change the fact that I’m going into this week alone and I will go out of this week alone(and in Minnesota. Details). Really I should just stop looking at the negative things in my life and then they’ll disappear. Like magic. Poof.

Anyways. I want flowers, no one’s going to give me flowers, therefore, poetry flowers. And an exercise which will amuse anyone who gets its humor. Enjoy!

“Flowers
By Maggie McGinity

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I am upset
And I’m blaming you

Daffodils are yellow
Daisies are white
You’re a fine fellow
But you can’t get it right

Carnations are pink
And sometimes they’re green
I know I overthink
And sometimes am quite mean

But roses are red
And violets are blue
Inside I feel dead
When I’m right next to you.”

“Flowers(In Perspective)
By Maggie McGinity

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You’re stuck in my head
So I’ll try a new view:

Roses are scarlet
Violets are azure
This poem hasn’t gone far yet
But of it I’m sure

Roses are cardinal
Violets are sapphire
These moments are marginal
They set me on fire

Roses are vermillion
Violets are violaceous
You’re one in a billion
Wish I could replace us.”

Quotes:

“I will be the gladdest thing under the sun! I will touch a hundred flowers and not pick one.” – Edna St. Vincent Millay

“A weed is but an unloved flower.”  – Ella Wheeler Wilcox

“If you’re feeling blue, try painting yourself a different color.” – Hannah Cheatem, age 8

“Color me your color, baby
Color me your car
Color me your color, darling
I know who you are”
-“Call Me” by Blondie

‘Make-up-your-mind-Go-Round’ (new song)

I shared this on Facebook shortly after it came into existence, but there have been requests(with some indignation) to put this on my blog as well, and since recycling is green and I have no new complete poem at the moment, this seemed like the perfect thing for this week’s Monday post.

On Wednesday night, I was between Praise Band rehearsal and The New Age play practice, and I was supposed to be practicing flute. Instead, I sat down and wrote this. Enjoy!

“Make-up-your-mind-Go-Round
By Maggie McGinity

Lyrics:

I just want some place to leave my heart
Scattering a trail of its parts
I just want to burrow in the ground
Get off this make-up-your-mind-go-round
On and on and on it goes
Where it stops? Nobody knows

I just want some place to leave my head
Complicated visions in my bed
Dreaming’s for the sleeping and the lost
As my daydreams keep upping their cost
Up and up and up they go
Reach the top? Nobody knows

I just want some place to leave my will
As aspirations go in for the kill
I can’t take the whole pack at once
But I can’t say this is what I want.
Round and round and round I go
Where I stop? Nobody knows

Quotes:

“Stop in somebody’s shadow to rest and cool down, and you are lost. No one can make anyone else happy.”
-Peter Deunov

“In this world, it is too common for people to search for someone to lose themselves in. But I am already lost. I will look for someone to find myself in.”
-C. Joybell C.

“House hunting is easy. It’s the catching it part that’s difficult.”
-Susan Gale

Birthday Post/Birthday Promise

Hello! It’s my birthday. I’m 22 now.

From here on out I promise to post at least once a week, every week, on Monday, because I was born on a Monday and this year my birthday’s on a Monday.

I also promise to include more content like this:

It’s me performing “100 Years” by Five for Fighting, my favorite 22-related song. This year I plan to post a lot more videos of me performing, many with original music.

In April I’ll go off the once-a-week policy because I’ll be posting a poem every day, as it will be National Poetry Writing Month.

I hope you enjoy these new changes and stay with me for new content.

Quote:

“Music never goes away. It is always available, but we are not always available to music.”
-Robert Fripp

‘Down Wishing Well’ (new poem)

I should be asleep, but first, a poem and a post.

I just got done watching “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” I’m feeling feels. Kind of surprised I didn’t cry, but I spent that last half of the film thinking about this poem. I love villanelles.

I’ve been trying to write this poem for a while, for the better part of 2013. This film reminded me of it, and of forgetting.

I’m on Winter Break, so I’m really well-rested and have lots of free time. This means I’ve been thinking a lot, which isn’t necessarily a good thing, because my brain moves very quickly forwards and backwards when it’s rested. I think a lot. I should be thinking up a solution for world hunger or poverty, but instead, as I am a human, I’m thinking about my own life.

I’ve been avoiding watching this film for about 10 years because I knew it would be intense, and sad, and make me question things. The concept of forgetting is very scary for me because it’s an inevitability. Everyone is going to forget me and I won’t forget them, I’ll just forget mundane little details like what I had for lunch yesterday or the specifics of my schooling during certain years.

Anyways, this poem is 8 months in the making, so I hope you enjoy it.

“Down Wishing Well
By Maggie McGinity

There’s no one on the other side.
Sinking in the turning tide.
Wish you well, and well is where you hide.

There’s no story you can sell.
None can hear you out this well.
There’s no one on the other side.

You never learned how to climb.
Slipping stones won’t make you mine.
Wish you well, and well is where you hide.

Staring at the light of day.
Knowing will not take the dark away.
There’s no one on the other side.

Silvery showers, pouring rains,
Cannot lift you out these pains.
Wish you well, and well is where you hide.

Whisper secrets to the walls.
But whispers don’t know how to crawl.
There’s no one on the other side.
Wish you well, and well is where you hide.”

Quotes:

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d”
-From “Eloisa to Abelard” by Alexander Pope

“Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a f***ed-up girl who’s lookin’ for my own peace of mind; don’t assign me yours.”
-Clementine, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”

‘Songs Outside Their Season’ (new poem)

Hi.

I’m really sorry.

I’m sorry to add another cloud to this already dark and dreary night. But it’s going to get icy regardless of what I write.

I’m sorry that reading this poem may make you feel awkward, or uncomfortable, or upset. I never wanted you to be anything but happy. I never want you to be anything but happy, though I have no idea how to accomplish that.

On Tuesday, I drove a lot and sewed a bag and ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. I shook some people up and sat some people down and then ate Mexican food with my roommates. I watched a couple of movies, movies that made me feel things, and then I remembered sometimes I don’t watch movies and feel things. So I wrote this poem.

Do what you will with it. I’m not sure this poem should be prefaced with my usual “enjoy.”

“Songs Outside Their Season
By Maggie McGinity

In trying to save you,
I became you.
Oops.

I took the bullet from your hand
And placed it in my heart
Willfully failing to understand
I’d lost it from the start

But dreams, but dreams do carry
Far beyond their deadline day.
This small chance to ferry
Fantasy to reality; what could I say?

It’s not only you,
But a long line of fools,
Who their chances all missed.
Lone and leaving,
I not believing
That dances still exist
Outside these walls
Of springs and falls
Curriculum’s captivity
I could not think
That dreams may drink
Long after their nativity

So what could I say?
Obligation getting in the way
Of any self-preservation
I set aside my reservations
Praying I wouldn’t be left alone
In this rescue mission all my own
For these things never go the way I want them to
But going was all I ever wanted to do

And so I gave up sleep
And all sanity and reason
I took my trust in myself
And turned it into treason
For love and love and love and love
And loss and lifelong lesions
For souls which, from their first birth, search
For songs outside their season

Truly, it was as perfect
As it could hope to be
For we are not what’s sometimes thought
Nor what sometimes seems
An odd alliance bought
By surreptitious schemes
Though motives are stranger by far
They dabble both in dreams

I just wanted to be better
Than anyone’s ever been to me
Baby steps toward feeling
More human than machine
Happiness I’ve rarely made
It’s no great loss to me
A moment for all the help I’ve paid
A cog in life’s machine

Should love be given or earned?
Love is never free.
From everything I’ve learned
Neither applies to me.
Would were I but loved to dance
And nothing else I see.
Would were I but loved to dance
And no one else but me.”

Quotefest, a festival of quotes:

“Happy is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies;
For she hath blessed and attractive eyes.”
-“A Midsummer Night’s Dream” by William Shakespeare

(A Direct Cinematic Quote:)

“But for now, let me say – Without hope or agenda – Just because it’s Christmas – And at Christmas you tell the truth – To me, you are perfect – And my wasted heart will love you – Until you look like this:

”
-“Love Actually”

(Lyricky lyrics:)

“Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It’s just life
So keep dancing through”
-“Dancing Through Life,” from “Wicked” by Stephen Schwartz

“Take my hand,
Live while you can.
Don’t you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand?”
-“Ordinary Day” by Vanessa Carlton

“She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends.
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget.”
-“Hotel California” by the Eagles

“A long, long time ago
I can still remember how
That music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while”
-“American Pie” by Don McLean

Now I retreat back into my corner of knitting, cleaning and Netflix. Merry Christmas.

‘This Stage’ (new poem without regard for any projects or plans)

People are the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. I used to think I liked books better than people, but now I know that I like books better than most people. I look back on this weekend and am glad I’m not like 99% of the people I was around. Still, I wish I had been reading, or eating, or sleeping, or just around more than one person I’d known for more than five minutes.

Maow. Live and learn would apply if the same old lessons would stop circling through my life.

“This Stage
By Maggie McGinity

Simple
Straightforward
Secrets

No regrets have I
For dramas passed by.
There are stages for such undertakings.

Bright lights, cheesy lines
Do theatre just fine,
But best left out of bonds made for breaking.

Though passion’s the fashion,
A lack I not fear.
My blood quickly boils,
My eyes quickly tear.
Dramatics internal
Sustain any need.
Nightmares diurnal
Constancy’s creed.

I long to be boring.
I live to be bored.
Ignorance ignoring
Chances chored.

There are more effective ways to garner attention
Than pressed preparation, pre-packaged pretension.
Any apparent apprehension
Come and gone in this complete comprehension.

It’s dark and the faces can’t be seen.
I’m losing steam in this fever scene.
I’d rather miss out on where I’m not missed
There are worse ways to exist

So I’ll mind my mind without assistance
Retain this rarity of resistance.
Impressive intensity of insistence,
Drag me not into this instance.
Fluke or not, I’m all I’ve got, and I remain to distance.”

Quotey quote quotes:

“Drinking is such a necessity to human life that people cannot fathom an individual who, like a child confined to a church pew, gets little enjoyment out of it and would rather do other things.” – Criss Jami

“If you see me out, you don’t know me
Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I’m going to do”
-“Back 2 Good,” by Matchbox 20

“I care about strangers when they’re abstractions, but I feel almost nothing when they’re literally in front of me.” – Chuck Klosterman, “I Wear the Black Hat: Grappling With Villains”